The Songs of the Dead are the Lamentations of the Living

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 15:42:48 GMT

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while, and now that I am, it's this post, but I had to get this out of my system.

Another of my friends killed herself yesterday, She jumped off the tallest tower in Israel. She was in the hpspital, and under supervision most of the time anyway, because she was Anorexic and had attempted before, but she managed to run away, get on a bus, go to Tel Aviv and jump.

She's my best friend's cousin and her best friend. And she was a close friend of mine and a couple of my e\other friends. I just got back from the funeral. It was horrible.

That's all I can say right now. Too tired and upset.

<3

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 09:35:59 GMT

-Guess that song meme
-Put iTunes iPod on shuffle.
-Pick your favorite line(s) to the first 35 songs, no matter how embarrassing
-Have your friends guess what songs the lines are from.
-Bold the ones people have already gotten

1) They know you're the one I want to give it to // I can see you want me to.
2) Though you're dead and gone, believe me // Your memory will carry on.
3) I used to waste my time dreaming of being alive // Now I only waste it dreaming of you.
4) Kabli Oti gam baleilot, kshehaemet eina gluya.
5) Struggle an' Pain when she fell all da while // now she wants a good man to give her da style
6) Another day and you've had your fill of sinking // With the life held in your // Hands are shaking cold.
7) Between the lines of fear and blame // you begin to wonder why you came. [[ The Fray -- How to Save a Life {Hadeer} ]]
8) In truths that she learned // Or in times that he cried // In bridges he burned // or the way that she died?
9) Them things do when in love, you know // walks on the beach and stuff, you know.
10) I watched the world go to the dark side of the moon // and for all I knew, it had something to do with you.
11) And soon I will be there // To brighten up even your darkest nights
12) It's getting late and you're making me impatient // Are you afraid you might fall for me?
13) Like Dorothy and Toto // Went over the rainbow to blow off Aunty Em!
14) Don't know what you're expecting of me // put under the pressure of walking in your shoes // (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow.)
15) The heart may freeze, or it may burn // The pain will ease if I can learn. // There is no future, there is no past // I live this moment as my last. // There's only us, there's only this // Forget regret or life is yours to miss.
16) Looking like one of 'em putty-cat dolls
17) Breakdown all the pressure that surrounds you // Allow it all to fade away.
18) People are so phony // Nosy cuz they're lonely // Aren't you sick of the same thing? [[Justin Timberlake -- Like I love you {Suzie} ]]
19) Am I crazy for wanting you? // Baby do you think you could want me too? // I don't want to waste your time.
20) Baby are you too cute to dance? Or are you just scared?
21) started off with half a dream // developed into what you see // Telling ain't my cup of tea // Can't tell I'm a f***ing G?
22) I'll lose my voice if you won't make a choice // I'll lose my head if you go back to him again
23) Most of these rappers ain't nothin' but liars // Hollered by the killers when they sang in the choir.
24) One look in my condition // I see you in my dreams // And every night I fight to keep my sanity // She's like a roll-a-coaster, and I'm afraid of heights.
25) It takes one hope to make the stars worth reaching for // So reach out for something more.
26) I think that they meant it // When they said you can't buy love // Now I know you can rent it // In your lease you are my love.
27) Why does distance make us wise? // You were the song all along // and before the song dies // I should tell you, I should tell you // I have always loved you // You can see it in my eyes.
28) And now I walk around without a care // She's got me hooked, it just ain't fair.
29) And the voice, // With the fear of a child // Answers.
30) I'm not a saint, I'm just a man // Who had heaven and earth in the palm of his hand // But I threw it away.
31) Together we're just so complete // You must be the reason I'm alive.
32) I can't let them see me cry // Cause I'm fine // I'm fine.
33) And the craziest thing is that I'll probably never know the color of my daughter's eyes.
34) Whatever happened to values of humanity? // Whatever happened to the fairness in equality. [[black Eyed Peas and Justin Timberlake -- Where is the Love? {Suzie} ]]
35) River, Oh river // Flow gently for me // Such precious cargo you bear // Do you know somewhere he can live free? // River, deliver him there. [Ofra Haza -- Deliver Us (From the Prince of Egypt) {Suzie} ]]

Man, Usually I would skip a hell of a lot of these songs >.<

<3

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 14:47:07 GMT

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

I heard the disk we recorded!!!!!!! *DIES*

Some of the songs are freaking awesome, and in some it was a really high key, so most of the girls dropped out and it;s basically me and four other girls >.<

On the other hand, my bff heard the rabbi sing a solo for the first time, and she agrees that his voice is superfreakingomgdies!amazing. yeah. He's that good. I'll try to upload a couple of songs...one where you can sort of hear me, and one where he sings solo, prob the song he wrote the music to (!!!). I got chills when I listened to it (>.<) but you prob won;t, cause you won;t understand a word of it ;)

On a sadder note, he's probably leaving next year. Which is REALLY sad. But the weekend I just got back from was without him, and it was still awesome...

And I am ashamed to say that 3 out of four of my rabbis are freaking EYE CANDY! Which is mortally embarassing.

Anyhows....*he* has another girlfriend. W/E. I've decided it's time to give up on player boy.

<3

Fri, 16 May 2008 04:04:21 GMT

Comment and I'll ...

1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite userpic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ.

On a totally different note, my clock in my room was set to be an hour early. And I had an alarm clock for 6:30. Guess what hour I actually got up? **Dies**

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 06:38:13 GMT

Man.

I simply cannot belive this shit. I just can't. I am about to go to a funeral. Yes, you read that right. A girl I used to know well killed herself last Wednesday. WTH? I mean, she had been hospitalized for suicidal tendancies, but she hadn;t attempted, before, she;d just told her parents she wanted to die.

And now she's dead. I don;t think it's sunk in yet -- except for the fact that I had a dream about her funeral yesterday. And I cried in my sleep. I know that much. I'm sure to be a wreck when I come back....

But we're off for a week (cause of Passover). We're going to my grandparents, and then it's off to the dead sea (where my grandmother keeps saying she's gonna get my something in the spa despite the fact that I'm still a year too young >.< Anyhow, I'm going to need that time, because the rest of passover we're cramped in a small apartment - all of us (12 people + my adorable 8 month old cousin) for the entire time. HELLLLLPPPP!!!!

Gah, We're going to the funeral now. It's still not hitting me....

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 19:42:00 GMT

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I spent Friday night with *him*!!!!! He and a friend of his (and *his* two siblings) were playing poker, and me and my bff watched. HS>>>

I have this habit of using different accents randomly in the middle of my sentences. HE DOES THE SAME THING. He was talking about his ex (who it turns out cheated on him) and EVERYONE was rolling on the floor. He also told us about some idiotic thing his friend did -- namely, *he* was trying to set two of his friends up, and he told her that his guy friend was kinda shy [which apparently better than saying that he;s a tactless moron]. So after getting them to meet up he excused himself saying he had plans -- and hid behind a bush. The two friends were sitting on a bench, and the girl said she was cold [in a way that she may as well have *coughed*hug me *cough*. He was imitating her.... *goes to heaven*] any how, his friend turns to her and says "you moron! Why didn't you bring a jacket?"

*DIES*

I neeeeeed him.

Now that that's out of my system....

My bff and I were standing by my house, taking our own sweet time, when the street light above us goes out. So we both start joking about finding Dumbledore, McGonagal, or Ron. Then, it started flickering back on. We had just watched Supernatural. The combination is quite freaky.

Anyhow, so my friend's like "Yes, god, we get the message, we need to go home."

And the light went on.

Yeah,definitely some of the oddest times I have ever had!

<3

PS: Somebody please tell me how to get a mood theme? please?

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 14:18:18 GMT

Man. If I miss any more sleep I don't know what will keep me fueled.

In other words, I'm on the verge of collapse.

My project - you know, the big one - that was supposed to be about cancer, but the ministry of education are a bunch of bitches so I had to change it to be about death? (did I ever mention that? >.< Anyhow, somehow meeting with a family that has lost a parent is less severe than meeting a family with a member who cancer. WTFH? I wanted to kill them SO bad when I heard that.)

Anyhow, so it's being changed to a different subject anyhow, cause I can;t seem to find 40 families that will fill out questionnaires.

Back to the drawing board.

And while all this is going on, (<--and I was really pissed at the time, mind you) I find out that my neighbor's dad passed away.

HFS. Yeah, like that's EXACTLY what I need right now. So yeah, I balled my eyes out and was in a reaaly down mood till the end of school - and being fatigued as hell didn't help much either.

On a brighter note, I saw *him* on Sunday, so the count was restarted after 13 (!!!) weeks. Man, it was like...wow. FINALLY.

He had nose surgerey because he'd broken his nose 6 seperate times (I know, FREAKY) and couldn't really breathe through it. SO, he finally quit smoking - cause he's wanted to for a while, and he wasn't allowed to smoke when he had th thingie on his nose --> he's quite.

*SQUEE*

<3

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 12:52:43 GMT

A lot to say, no time to say it. Last week - Sun. Mon. Tue. = Three days in the desert. More than enough to calm nerves, anger and grief. And I'm even holy now that I got a piece of wood lodged in my foot </channelingGeorge>

Anyway...yesterday, we had this skit put on by the rabbis. I nearly fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard. Remember I was talking about the one who sings? he got dressed up like a girl. I can't even describe how funny seeing him in a wig, a dress (WAAAAY too tight across the chest >.< muscles = woah) and a fake girly voice.....I got a mention, as the girl who says the short speech every shabbos we have in the group *beams*. It was obvious though, cause he commented about it on the last shabbos too.

Anyway, fast day = torture. I can't wait till tonight when I can EAT.

Oh, and it's Purim tomorrow (and tonight), for those who don't know. I'm gonna be a Goth. PARTY tonight. there's gonna be all sorts of alchohol. I REALLY hope none of the girls get drunk this year! *crosses fingers*

HAPPY PURIM!

^
^ ^
OO
-
UU

^^ bad attempt at a clown...

<3

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 13:20:25 GMT

Bloody. Hell.

This just keeps getting worse. One of the kids. And I repeat KIDS who were killed was from the town I live in, and another from a neighboring town. They were 15 and 16. The other 6 killed were mostly sixteen year olds, along with an 18 year-old and a 26 year old.

WHAT THE HELL?

They were KIDS. They were MY AGE. what had they ever done to those people. They PUPOSELY TARGETTED A HIGHSCHOOL.

Today is supposed to be one of the happiest days of the year, and everything was canceled because no-one is happy anymore.

Why do I have the feeling I'm gonna need that elephant skin back?

<3

Edit: I just looked at the list again, and the exact ages of all the victims are:
15
16
26
19
18
16
18
15

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 20:26:51 GMT

I was kinda hoping not to make this post. I mean, sure, a few weeks where every day you here of Terrorists killing our soldiers is no biggie, right? Or the fact that they attacked our neighboring school so they were afraid to let us sleep at school (and it snowed anyway so it didn;t matter...). Or the fact that we are told everytime a rocket falls in Sderot, and it's been happening multiple times a day (there was a day lately that counted a effing thirty rockets!)

But all those had minimal victims. So no biggie, right? Just normal life!

Until, just a few minutes ago there was an attack in Jerusalem, and there were eight fatalities and dousens of injured. fifteen of them life-threateningly.

De-ja-vu all over again much? This exactly what it was like during the intifada. (2000-2004)

I used to have nightmares about terrorists coming and attacking our house, killing my family (minus me. Didn't you see that coming?) Everyone was scared to drive at night, especially where we live.

It seriously feels like it's coming back.

Bloody effing shit.

Movie meme!

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 21:34:30 GMT

1. Pick 12 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search or other search functions.

1. For too long I've been parched of thirst and unable to quench it. Too long I've been starving to death and haven't died. I feel nothing. Not the wind on my face nor the spray of the sea. Nor the warmth of a woman's flesh.

2. It'll be spring soon. And the orchards will be in blossom. And the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And they'll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields... and eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries?

3. Do I look like I own tights?

4. Sometimes life is hard for no reason at all.

5. Somebody once told me that the great kings of the past are up there, watching over us.

6. in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.

7. Who needs affection when I have blind hatred?

8. Do you remember when you were about five or six and you said you hated gravity? And you wanted to jump off the roof and fly?

9. ~~Music's the only thing that makes sense anymore, man. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons away.~~ Across the Universe, guessed by teh Katja!

10. The beast looked upon the face of beauty. Beauty stayed his hand, and from that moment he was as one dead.

11. A heart is a heavy burden.

12. But the things that matter. We've pretended for some time now that you're a part of this family, haven't we? You've come to mean so much to us all that now, it doesn't matter if it's true. And even if it isn't true, even if that can never be... I need to go on pretending... until the end... with you.

<333

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 06:09:18 GMT

I finally saw Across the Universe. *lubs*

And I'm not so sick anymore, though I might be sick of Bio by the end of the day. 3 hours at the end of it are NOT a good idea. At ALL.

That's all, folks!

<3

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 18:18:57 GMT

Have I ever mentioned I HATE Laryngitides????

It has come again, and I've been weak as a puppy all day.

AND I didn't get to see *him* cause my friend got herself hitched and hangs out with her boyfriend Friday nights.

The world is a cruel place. Please shoot me in the head, and end my suffering XD

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 20:40:44 GMT

Welllll.....

A) We had MORE SNOW!!!! How freakishly awesome is that??? :D:D:D

B) He's single again....not getting back together with her, and it's final. And I am hopefully seeing him tomorrow after 6 weeks....*super!hfs!Hyperventilate!Squeee*C

C) I just watched Sweeney Todd, and I loved it, except for the fact that it kept throwing me back into Holocaust references....(FIY, killing people and throwing them in the fire, not giving a damn what kind of person he was...). The ending was like omg! freakyyetawesome...but I wanted more Anthony. Jamie's voice is pure honey!

D) Report cards tomorrow and no midterm. *headdesk*

I think that's about it....

<3<3<3

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 05:28:52 GMT

You Are A Blue Girl

Relationships and feelings are the most important things to you.
You are empathetic and accepting - and good at avoiding conflict.
If someone close to you is in pain, it makes you hurt as well.
You try to heal the ones you love with your kind and open heart.

What Color Girl Are You?

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 16:57:01 GMT

Life. Is Boring.

Yup.

That's it.

Oh! J Mac has a new song!! *squee* It's REALLY GOOD!

<3

PS: If anyone can tell me how to get a mood theme, from the movies, would you pretty please tell me?

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 16:37:17 GMT

Darn it.

They got back together :(

And I didn;t even get to see him cause he was away this shabbat. *headdesk*

On a brighter note, we had *TWO* snow days :D :D!! And one of them was real snow, not just the yucky, wet blah snow...

Yeah, that's pretty rare here :) We had SO much fun :)

<3

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 10:53:43 GMT

Go here? Maybe?

http://kevan.org/johari?name=SunRaya

'Twould be great if you did!!

<3

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 10:48:28 GMT

He's single again!

*happy dance*

Apparently, his ex was not only three years older than him, but she was a model. What happened? Dunno. But he's single!!

But except from that, I'm in an uber!bad mood. Tests, fatigue, saying goodbye to people, (not having seen *him* in 4 weeks...) and *gulp* I've been having some of those depressed night I used to have. Again.

OOF.

Also, I think I need to leave MNFF, and soon. It's taking over my life, and I just don;t have time for anything anymore. Which is also a source of bad moodiness, cause I don;t want to leave all you guys.

*super!sigh*

<33

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 07:42:47 GMT

Depressing post again guys. Sorry. Skip if you'd like.

Last night there was a car accident. Pretty ordinary, right? A person from my town got killed - but not somebody I know, for once.

And I was really (selfishly) relieved that it wasn't someone I knew cause I am so unbelievably sick of crying.

But as I am walking through school, I see a friend of mine crying. The woman that was killed was her sister's best friend. And I started talking to her, trying to get her to unload some of her pain in words rather than tears. It seriously sounded like something that would happen in one of my fics. This girl was part of a group of really close knit friends, all of them 21 years old (I just realized that's the age Lily and James died, for some unknown reason). One of them is getting married tomorrow, and one of them is severly pregnant. This girl was supposed to be there for them. I can't imagine how that woman is going to get married tomorrow when she is mourning for a close friend.

My friend said that she can't imagine them without her - it's a square that's missing a side. She also said that she's gone through the 'crying my eyeballs out' stage, which she did in the morning, and is now in the shock stage. She said that maybe in a couple of years she'd understand what it means that she's gone.

Obviously, I am now crying my heart out. Unfortunatly I am starting to understand why people don;t want me to be an Oncologist. Why people say I'll be depressed. I'm not going to go through this again, out of pitty for you guys, but I still want that with all my heart. I want to be the humane doctor. Who cries when the patients die - but can wait till I;m in private to do it - I didn't cry till I got to the sancuary of the deserted computer lab.

GODDAMN IT!!!

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 16:15:21 GMT

I talked to *him*.

Last Friday night.

*Freaks out*

He is so cute!!!!! Him and his sister = halarious, and him by himself = amazing!! I really can't get over it! We had a conversation!!! Not anything special in terms of anything other than aquaintances, but c'mon...major improvement.

Well, or starters, he's the one who opened the door or me (and they were all sitting pretty close to it). And he knew it was me. :D Also, it meant I got to be WAY close to him :)

Then, he oered me his chair, saying he had to go. But then he came back and sat down directly in back of me. Which was way embarassing, cause my dress was really low cut in the back (Friday = part of Shabbat = fancy clothes). But my hair was on it. I hope.

Anyhows, then we were all talking. Turns out I HAVE been mentioned before, cause he knew my name. Or, more precisely, my brother was described by his sister as my brother, and only then did he understand who she was talking about, and they're friends.

Basically, we had a long conversation about bass (my brother needs a bass player or his band), and harry potter (my b is even more obsessed than I am [she was there] and he only just descovered that she's got a collection. So he;s gonna give her is hp shirts. *dies*

And...whatever, I won;t bore you with the rest, but bottom line, eventually his friends showed up and he went. As he was leaving, he told his sister: "I'm gonna sleep at [his friend]'s house, cause i'm not walking back in this weather. Tell Mom, she's asleep at the moment."

Ten minutes later she sits up on the couch (she'd been lying down the entire time) and says "Wait, he's sleeping at [his friend]? He can't! Go call him back!" To her younger brother.

LMAO.

The 'f' key isn;t working well, so take that in mind!

<3

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 20:04:16 GMT

So....

I haven't posted in a while, but basically not much has been happening, except I broke my promise and am writing a death fic. My bff said: 'HAH! I didn't think you'd last a week, so 6 months is really good!'

Gee. Thanks.

Anyhows...

<3

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 15:38:21 GMT

*He*'s got a girlfriend again.

*sigh*

Whatever. I survived him being taken for a year before. I can take it. After all, At least I know he dates like he means it. :S

<3

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 21:56:25 GMT

Ok.

Remember I was talking about the project in oncology/psychology I'm going to be doing over the next two years? Well, the subject just changed a bit.

Which means, now I'm gonna be spending hours on end reading up on INTIMACY.

>.>

<.<

Hide me.

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 17:09:47 GMT

SO.

Where do I begin?

Well, for starters, he was upstarin in his room reading HP which finally came out in Hebrew the entire 3.5 hours I was there. How is that for freaking ironic?????

And, my bff has been spending so much time with him lately (he seems to purposely stick to his sister when she;s around) that I have serious suspisions that he likes her as well. I mean, he's been their own provate paparazzi lately. And he was looking into their eyes when they were playing a game...and basically, acting all close with her. So, either he just wants to be friends with her, or he has other motives. We tried asking his sister for advice / help, but she said she doesn;t want to get involved. And while all this is going on, I've descovered I like him more than ever.

Like the full longing, chest aching I WANT TO FREAKING SEE/TALK/*kiss* HIM thing. My entire body feels weird...

And it's not PMS.

Seriously. I want him. I mean, physical attraction (MAN he's hott) is one thing, but you should see the flips I do inside when I hear stories about him.

Like, his sister was comlaining about his over-protectiveness (He has a hot friend who is basically interested in sex only, because he thinks girls are stupid. Or something like that. Bottom line, when his mom said 'well he hasn;t met *my friend* yet', he got this dangerous look and said 'nor is she' <3 <3 <3 How AMAZING is that?) Or the fact that he can see it on people's faces when they're lying. Or just about any other one of the 1001 stories I've been told.

I'm head over heels, and I've never even had a conversation with him.

Yes, I know drastic. But I'm not kidding. I've liked him (to some extent) for over a year. And now >.<...

And he doesn;t even know my name.

On the one hand, he makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, and on the other, the situation makes me feel like crying in the corner. Really badly. But I'll have to wait till it;s not raining, cause I'm stuck in school for another 19 hours. *sob* and there's not a chance I'll do it where I may be found by anyone. Especially my bff. She doesn;t know how serious I am about likeing him.

Anyhow, that's it.

<3